tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
