Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my being single is dangerous.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
