Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
