I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
