Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
