he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
