i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
