Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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