Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
