im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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