we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
