I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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