Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
