i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
