You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
