She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
