The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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