She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i think my cat just said my name.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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