Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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