I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
