i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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