You can't motorboat a personality
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
