Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
