Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
