Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
