tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize