I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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