I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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