this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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