Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
