That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
