Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
