He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
