You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
