why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
