You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
