why didn't you poke me back
Soap is not a condiment
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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