Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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