does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
