So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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