I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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