i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
