I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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