Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize