im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize