hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
