I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
