Moan for me like Helen Keller
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
