come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
