I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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