Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Michael Bay diarrhea
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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