Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
