I just saw a hot homeless man
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
