Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I want a musical about memes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
