Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
