i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
