Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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