Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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