I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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