If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
