After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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