How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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