Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
