if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
