i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
