Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The Olympian is in my bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
