just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw