I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.