I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
