I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!