My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.