so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture