god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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