You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
