look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
