Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick