Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.

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(631): View more from New York

do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?

(864): View more from South Carolina

Smooth sack

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?

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