No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.