The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?