Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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