we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
