I just made out with a guy for $7.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
